You Can Never Have It All
by Fantasy Cat
Summary: A different take on how Season Four would've been. Written post 4.03 The Economist. Sawyer learns why it would be best for Kate to leave the island with Jack. Sad Skate with a little bit of sad Jun.


**This is a completely different take on Season Four so please read my Author Notes before reading.**

**Characters:_ Sawyer, Kate, Locke, Ben, Jin. Others referenced._**

**Setting (PLEASE READ):_ I wrote this story AFTER 4x03 "The Economist" but BEFORE 4x04 "Eggtown". I originally posted this on Lost-Forum but it got archived without a single review! Bleh. I thought man this story was too good to be forgotten, in my opinion. Maybe you will be nice and give me reviews. If not, it's alright. I've been doing this fanfiction thing for so long, that I decided not to be greedy!_**

* * *

**_"You Can Never Have It All"_**

Now this was the way playing house was truly meant to be, Sawyer thought to himself.

In the dark, Kate leaned over Sawyer for one last kiss before resting herself on him. The words that she and Sawyer were debating with earlier led to her never even leaving the room. And they remained there on the bed wrapped up in each other longer than they could possibly imagine. After some time, Sawyer knew she was already asleep but he couldn't help wanting to speak to her even if she wouldn't be able to hear.

"Guess you finally made up your mind then, huh Freckles?"

It was the best morning Sawyer could ever have had. For the first time in his life, he was with Kate, exactly as he dreamed of being with her. After all, waking up with her…on a bed…in an actual house was ten times better than in a tent…a hundred times better than a bear cage.

He felt his nerves tingle, though. At first he thought it was the early morning chill breezing through the open window to the bedroom but in actuality, it was nicotine withdrawal.

As he quietly slipped out of the bed as Kate was still sleeping, he took a moment...a moment he could savor for as long as he could, to just look at her…how beautiful she was…before going out for his morning smoke.

Sawyer felt fiddled with the few sticks in his pocket. He was running out and all that he had left was about a pack of Ultra Lights (maybe less than that)...his least favorite flavor.

He struggled with his lighter as Locke began to approach him from the corner of his eye. He tried to ignore him because he didn't like how Locke was coming towards him, straight from the clubhouse where Ben was being held.

"Mornin' James," greeted Locke. "Ben wants to have a word with you. He says he has a few things you **really** need to hear."

Sawyer took his first puff averting his attention away from Locke. "And what the hell makes you think I want to listen to what 'brainwash boy' has to say?"

"Well he sounded very serious, for one. And he also said to tell you that it concerns you and someone else. He says you know who. Wouldn't let me in on it, though."

Someone else? Sawyer thought. Oh no. He was not doing this again. If Ben thought that he could mess around with Sawyer about his standing with Kate again, Ben had another thing coming. He thought about just going into the clubhouse and gloating about how Kate had finally made up her mind…either that or get his morning workout in with his favorite helpless punching bag, Ben.

Sawyer reluctantly went with Locke, hoping to make this meeting nice and quick. There was always a cringe of disgust to see Ben just sitting there. Ben was still tied up and his face dried with blood, but the fact that Locke was keeping Ben here, so close among his friends, had truly bothered Sawyer from the start. And Ben was just looking as though nothing bad had happened. No fear or anxiety. That was what had been scaring Sawyer.

Ben and Sawyer eyed each other cautiously as they were both in the room now. "Locke, I would like for this to be in private, please."

"I don't think so," Locke protested. "I would like to know…"

"It's something that I already discussed with you a while back. Now if you don't mind, I want to tell Sawyer what I have to say in private. I am the only one in here's who's tied up and unarmed after all."

Locke gave a motion with his hand indicating that he'll give the men five minutes alone with each other and then walked out.

Sawyer patted his gun that he had on him and then he grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat on it…directly across from Ben.

"Alright, meatball. Speak up."

Sawyer was determined to face Ben and show him no mercy for bringing him here for this 'private meeting'.

"You're making me nervous, Sawyer," Ben moaned. "What I have to say is not good but it is serious. And I don't know if I can handle tasting anymore of my own blood."

"I tell you what? You get it over with what's so damn important you got to say to me, and I'll think about not trying to kill you again."

"Alright…" Ben tried to sheepishly look down at his feet. "Are you aware that the physical properties of the island cause any male occupant here to carry five times the amount of sperm that a normal man should?"

"No, I don't. But I'll thank you for complimenting on the fact that I'm a bigger man here," Sawyer smirked.

Ben looked up at him. "If you think that. Then I hope you can be a bigger man about what's coming. I mean…what's coming for you…but mainly Kate."

Sawyer got up from his chair looking very furious at Ben. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well should I be quick and to the point about it or should I continue to lead you on again?"

To rid of the tension, without even think about it, Sawyer pushed Ben's chair to the ground with his foot. Lying on his back now, Ben was a bit more scared and a bit more helpless as Sawyer came over and pressed one foot down on his chest. Sawyer got his gun drawn out and readily aimed at him.

"Say it before I blow your…"

"Kate's…" Ben voice was now choking out his attempt at words. But as soon as he heard her name, Sawyer lifted his foot up to give Ben some air.

"Pregnant…Kate's pregnant."

The look on Sawyer's face took a drastic change. Eyes of fury were replaced with instant shock. He even took his foot off of Ben and looked down on him. His gun was still aimed, but Sawyer couldn't help but feel as though the blood that was flowing through his gun arm suddenly disappeared making holding the gun shaky and more difficult.

Coldly, Sawyer finally responded. "You don't got any way to prove it."

"Juliet. She sent me the test results while she was playing spy for me."

Finally Sawyer began to slowly back the gun away from his target. He was a bit too anxious to keep going on like this.

"I could've been told about this by the she-doctor. You got a good reason why I'm hearing this from you…now?!"

"She was afraid to tell anyone Sawyer. Kate doesn't even know about it. It's just been between me and Juliet, and she's been having a hard time since she got the results. It's been especially hard for her since Sun is running out of time with hers."

Sawyer began to believe that all of this had to be a trick. One of those clever nasty Ben-tricks whose goal remained unknown. Ben could tell this from the look on Sawyer's cold face and then said "I guess I have to explain a few more things for you to get you to understand. Sun conceived her baby here on the island because of the whole sperm thing. But the opposite effects affect the women on the island. Their ability to reproduce normally shuts down so if they do get pregnant, it starts to slowly make them sick. Then it hits them around the second trimester usually but it could be sooner or later."

"I don't mean to interrupt your health seminar," Sawyer growled. "But I if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to pull another Bunny-Gate on me."

"Don't you get it Sawyer? It's not possible for my people…for anyone…to have children on this island because their mothers don't make it pass the halfway point. Claire and Rousseau, they were pregnant before they got here so we tried to take their kids…we couldn't have any of our own."

Sawyer kicked Ben in the side. "No, I don't!"

Ben moaned in pain, never fearing for his life greater than this. He ought to spill the beans now or die sooner than later.

"If Kate stays on this island…pregnant…a few months from now…she's going to die."

The pain made it impossible to tell, but Sawyer remained silent taking soft deep breaths that sounded to irregular to be considered 'just breathing'.

Ben had to break the silence that he started. "I can't lie about this Sawyer, because I know better now than to do that to you. You can go ahead and proceed with killing me if you want...because I know you love her. And you had to know about this now before that helicopter leaves."

Sawyer still wasn't saying anything so Ben went on.

"I know I said that those people were trying to kill us all but if there was any slight possible chance that they were capable of letting this all go and allow a few of your friends to go back to civilization...you would take that chance like everyone on the beach is doing, wouldn't you?"

Ben tried to curl himself up as best as he could from his uneasy position. He had to prepare for what Sawyer was going to unleash.

But seconds passed and nothing happened. Ben was feeling dizzy now and against his better judgment, he said what he thought would be his last words.

"So it seems that Kate was better off with Jack after all."

Again nothing came.

Ben took a quick peek from his cowering to see Sawyer storming towards the door slamming it behind him like a loud thunder.

On the floor Ben sighed. Sawyer was the only man for this job. If Kate got on that copter, then he would have the people he needed…

It was a worse con of James Ford than his previous one.

* * *

"Sawyer! What do you think you're doing?!"

Sawyer refused to say a word. He only continued to keep a tight grip on Kate's arm as he dragged her closer and closer to the helicopter. The pilot, Jack, Hurley, Sayid, and Claire holding Aaron were ready to go. They were all meant to go. They had to go for reasons not fully understood by each other. But this meant they could all go home now, the troubles of the Others and the freighter seemed to have faded away.

Two seats had yet to be filled. Sun and Jin were near the helicopter crying and in deep Korean discussion despite the loud whirling of the blade.

"You're getting on that helicopter, Kate!"

She immediately tried to tug away. "What?! Sawyer, no!"

"I mean it, Kate! Don't make me force you in there!"

They continued to struggle with each other, both wanting to take the other in a different direction. "What about Sun and Jin?!" Kate pleaded.

"I already talked it over with them," Sawyer said without remorse. "You're taking Jin's spot on that copter. So help me…"

"No!!!"

Kate found a way out of Sawyer's grasp and let go. She stood there angry and in tears.

"You wanted me here with you!!! You said I had nothing left for me back there!!! Why are you doing this to me?!!!"

Sawyer approached Kate and managed to grab her again before she ran. He swung her closer to the helicopter and then he paused.

"Freckles…"

After many weeks since he was in that room alone with Ben, he finally called her "Freckles" again. "The day we all went to that radio tower…when I told you that I hope you weren't…"

Sawyer couldn't go on…not like this…not in front of her.

"I didn't mean it…"

But it was too late, Kate watched in shock as she saw his eyes looking down. There was no escaping it. As Sawyer brought his head up to face her one last time, Kate became stunned by the tears that she could not believe were his own.

"I never meant it like that!"

Kate didn't understand this. She didn't have time to. Sawyer had already moved in on her. The kiss was so strong that Kate didn't realize that he was pushing her all the way to the helicopter's entrance.

By this time Sun had to part from Jin. The two were both in tears. The moment Sawyer let go of Kate, he looked to Sun and she knew what she had to do.

She pulled Kate in.

"NO!!! SAWYER!!!"

The helicopter had already left the ground.

They would hold her back, he thought to himself. No way in hell they were gonna let her jump out of the helicopter even from 20 feet.

As soon as the people in the helicopter were no longer invisible, Sawyer looked down. He just wanted it to go away. So he waited for the noises to fade until they were out of sight.

It was done now. On the way, Sun would explain the whole situation to Kate as it was now too late for her to turn back.

From where the helicopter once stood Sawyer saw a piece of paper crumbled in the sand. He slowly went to go get it.

He unwrapped the old scrap of paper revealing the faint words of _"Dear Mr. Sawyer…"_

The other side revealed itself to Sawyer without his approval. In clear blue ink were the words _"You can run all you want now, Freckles."_

At the bottom was a small scribbling that was barely made out. Sawyer averted his eyes from the words _"I love you"_ and crumpled the paper again throwing it into the ocean.

In the midst of the struggle of chaos of getting Kate to leave, the message never got to its intended recipient.

**

* * *

**

The absence of only six people plus a baby were making the island a quieter place these days. Perhaps the long absence of the Others were also making it more difficult.

But life was going to on. And Sawyer was finding it difficult to approach people with his wit like he used to.

He kept to himself and anything he could find…just like the old days. Except he knew that if something happened to Locke that he would have to step up as leader of whoever was left whether he liked it or not.

With all the cigarettes gone, and all the Playboys in his possession memorized, Sawyer grabbed a couple of Dharma beers from his tent and stepped outside.

He stumbled into the tall grass of the jungle until he found who he was looking for alone and tending to the garden that his wife started.

Sawyer tossed a Dharma beer to Jin. They opened their cans respectively as Sawyer came and sat by his side.

"Guess you and I are in the same boat now, Yao," Sawyer said. "I…I'm sorry she…didn't tell you about it before I did…I mean…you didn't had to do what you…"

Jin raised his hand to interrupt him. He smiled at Sawyer, something he rarely did during this new quiet age on the island. He leaned over to Sawyer and said in a deep voice "it's…okay."

Sawyer wished that he could agree but felt immense guilt over even speaking to Jin about the situation. Sun got wind of it and she finally had to fess up to what she knew. Between the three of them it was agreed what needed to be done and it was already done.

"I'm happy…" Jin said. "Sun will live…baby will live…and be happy."

Sawyer couldn't believe that Jin was saying this…and in English of all things. Looking down at the earth, Sawyer was too deep in guilt to take even a single sip.

But Jin lifted his own can to Sawyer.

And then two words would come out of Jin's mouth that shook Sawyer's thoughts to the ground.

"Kate, too."

Sawyer turned and as if nature intended for him too he began to laugh inside.

The men tapped their cans together in a silent toast, to the sacrifice they made for their women, and they finally took their first sips in unison.

_**end**_


End file.
